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How to get started (when no one’s the "official" boss)

We’ve all been there. You’re in a small team meeting. There’s no official chair, no boss, no one to steer the ship. You’re all technically equals and you’re supposed to collaborate. But instead, you’re staring at a grid of silent faces on Zoom or, worse yet, all you see are those deadly cameras-off circles! Cue the awkward silence. Maybe a few fake coughs. Someone clears their throat. No one makes eye contact. So, what do you do when you need to start the meeting, but everyone’s acting like it’s their first day of kindergarten? Glad you asked. In this post we share seven fun, low-pressure ways to get things rolling—even when there is no boss. (Estimated reading time: ~4 minutes)

By Getahun Lombamo, Chantal Lecuyer, Sheryl Mills, and Schroder Sattar

Introduction

It’s often tough to get meetings started. It’s even more challenging when the meeting is virtual, you haven’t met before, and the situation is new. Before we jump into seven ways to get started, here are some ideas to prepare yourself:

  1. Be enthusiastic about the time together.
  2. Show genuine interest in meeting your team mates.
  3. Be brave and present—and show this by having your camera on. 🙂

Now, here are seven tips you can use to get things started.

Seven ways to get started

1. Start with a “soft open”

Forget launching straight into the agenda (if you even have one). Try warming things up with something light that lets people speak without pressure. Think “people first” and task second.

Examples:

  • “Before we dive in—has anyone discovered a good snack/ series/ movie/ coffee shop lately? Care to share?”
  • “Quick poll: What’s your current work/ class load—smooth sailing, mild chaos, or full dumpster fire?”
  • “Let’s start with one-word check-ins. How’s your day been in one word so far?”

You’ll be surprised how even a small prompt gets people talking. It helps break the tension and makes everyone feel like humans before they’re teammates.

2. Be the brave one (it’s not that bad—promise)

Someone has to break the silence—and if you're reading this, congrats, it might be you. But don’t worry, you don’t have to make a speech. Just offer a gentle nudge:

  • “Hey, should we just dive in? I can kick things off.”
  • “Okay, no one’s got the talking stick, so I’m grabbing it.”
  • “So, just to get the ball rolling—I’ve been thinking about [insert project topic here]…”

People often feel relieved when someone steps in, even informally. You're not “taking over,” you're getting momentum started. That’s a gift. And you get to practice your leadership and facilitation skills–Bonus!

3. Play the agenda game (even if you don’t have one)

Even if there's no official agenda, you can create structure by tossing out simple prompts:

  • “What’s everyone hoping to get out of our time together today?--in addition to getting the team tasks done? 😉”
  • “Any quick wins or blockers we should talk about first?”
  • “Let’s do a quick round: what’s top-of-mind for everyone?”

It doesn’t have to be fancy. Even scribbling a few discussion points on a shared doc or virtual whiteboard can anchor the conversation.

4. Use the "one-minute round robin"

People freeze up when they feel they’re about to monologue. So lower the bar.

Say something like:

  • “Let’s each take one minute just to say what we’re working on and if we need help with anything. No pressure, just a check-in.”

This gives everyone a small spotlight without putting anyone on the spot. And it signals that everyone’s voice is welcome—no hierarchies needed.

5. Lean on humor (gently)

Humor is a great way to drop the formality and ease tension—just keep it light and inclusive. Self-deprecating works best.

  • “So, I had a whole plan for how to start this meeting… and then my brain went on a coffee break.”
  • “If silence were productivity, we’d be crushing it.”
  • “Let’s pretend we’re on a reality show and can’t leave until we come up with three action items.”

Just make sure your humor doesn’t single anyone out. We’re building comfort, not awkwardness.

6. Invite, don’t force—or “boss”

If someone’s quiet, that’s okay. Not everyone wants to jump in. Instead of cold-calling, try open invitations:

  • “No pressure, but if anyone has thoughts on this, feel free to jump in.”
  • “I’m curious what others think—does anyone want to chime in?”

Giving people permission to speak without demanding it makes them more likely to contribute. Weird but true.

7. End with a ritual (so next time feels easier)

You started the meeting—hooray! Now, help everyone build the habit.

Try ending with something like:

  • “Let’s each name one thing we’re taking away from our time together.”
  • “Anyone want to start next time? Otherwise, I’ll happily keep kicking us off.”
  • “Does the time for our next meeting still work for everyone? Same time next week? Let’s keep this rhythm going.”

Meetings become smoother when there's a small structure, even if it’s unofficial.

Final thoughts

Small teams can do big things—but only if they get talking. If everyone’s waiting for someone else to lead, the awkward silence wins.

So be the spark. Offer the icebreaker. Toss out a question. Share your snack review. It’s not about being the boss — it’s about being human enough to get things moving.