Team Skills Series. Post 7 Conflict Management Part 2: Conflict Management and Learning through Reflection

Introduction

In Post 1, we offered a variety of ways to approach conflict situations. This is a recap:

1. Address the issue as soon as possible
2. Request a meeting to talk in a private setting
3. Do not jump to conclusions or make any assumptions
4. Give “the benefit of the doubt.”
5. Seek first to understand. Be curious. Actively listen.^[1]
6. Be non-confrontational and neutral in your words, tone, facial expressions and body postures^[2]
7. Set up a time to discuss–that isn’t a surprise.^[3] Time and place are important for important conversations
8. Be non-judgemental–and curious. Be interested in hearing the perspectives of others on the team
9. Work with the team member to come up with a solution or agreement together^[4]
10. Always use welcoming, understanding, and approachable facial expressions^[5]
11. Set clear boundaries together^[6]
12. Be open and honest so people don’t have to “guess” what you are thinking.^[7]

💡Tip: It is not uncommon to receive anonymous feedback at the end of a project. Being anonymous doesn’t allow the opportunity to clarify with the individual who provided the feedback and being at the end doesn’t leave time to incorporate the feedback. What lost opportunities! Receiving non-anonymous feedback from team members midway through a project (and again at the end), however, leaves time and the opportunity to make adjustments, practice new skills, and trial fresh approaches.

Case Study

Situation: In a third year university course, there is a term-long group assignment. The instructor randomly assigned the groups–three people per group. As the term progresses–and the due date for the project draws closer–it becomes apparent that, in one of the groups, one group member is consistently failing to meet the group’s set deadlines for project tasks–let’s call this group member Riley. There is always a viable excuse when it comes up, but, as you can imagine, this puts pressure on the other two group members.

🤔 Reflection Point 1: How would you approach this situation?

• What would you do if you were one of the other two group members?
• What would you do if you were Riley?
• What would you do if you were the instructor?

Continuing with the story…

Two thirds of the way into the project, one of the other two group members–let’s call this team member Ollie–has had enough. Ollie’s plate is already spilling over and Riley’s excuses have become just that–“excuses”. Ollie, who has been taking the “avoiding” approach to conflict management up until now, decides to address this issue with Riley.

🤔 Reflection Point 2: What would you do, if you were Ollie, to ensure the best possible outcome with both Riley and the project?

And on with the story…

Ollie informs the third group member–let’s call this group member Quinn–that something has to give! Riley needs to pitch in and get some work done! Ollie and Quinn decide to email Riley and set up an in-person time to meet at a nearby coffee shop. Riley agrees to meet.

🤔 Reflection Point 3: How would you feel if you were Riley? If you were Ollie? If you were Quinn?

New scene…

You are sitting in a coffee shop and in walks a group of three looking for a table. There happens to be a table right across from you. The three newcomers get their coffees, unpack, and sit down. They look like students to you.

Things get interesting fast! What seems to start out in a friendly way soon gets a bit more heated. One person frequently points their finger at another person and is using a gradually escalating tone. Another person seems to be very busy looking for something in their backpack. The third person is visibly shrinking, avoiding eye contact, and checking their watch a lot.

🤔 Reflection Point 4: Who do you think is Riley? Who do you think is Ollie? Who do you think is Quinn? How are you interpreting the behaviours and attitudes of each of the three group members?

And the scene continues!

This is getting very interesting indeed and you take out one air pod… You have been focused on conflict management in a course–and you can see there is a real life example unfolding right before your very eyes.

“Riley” (the loud finger pointer) seems to be getting pretty agitated after “Ollie” brought up the topic of “who’s doing what” for their team project. “Ollie” is avoiding eye contact. It looks like “Quinn” can hardly wait to get out of there!

🤔 Bonus Reflection: Were you surprised that you had made assumptions about who was who? What clues/assumptions/stereotypes did you use to identify the characters in this scenario?

🤔 Reflection Point 5: In the observer role, how do you feel as this conflict unfolds in front of you? Think about other situations you have been in that are similar. How do you react to conflict generally?^[8]

Back to the story…There’s more…

Riley abruptly gets another coffee, Quinn pulls out a notebook, and Ollie heads for the washroom. When they reconvene, Quinn opens the notebook and all heads are together as they look at the notebook.

Quinn: Here is what we agreed on in our team charter for this project. When we look at the activity log, some of the tasks are outstanding and the due date is coming up. Riley, most of these tasks are ones you had agreed to do.

Riley: …silence…

Quinn: What’s your plan for doing these things that you agreed to do?

Riley: I will have time this weekend coming up. My younger brother has been staying with me and it’s been really stressful. He’s going through some stuff right now, but he’s heading home tomorrow.

Ollie: Sorry to hear that. That must have been tough for all of you.

Quinn: So it sounds like we have a plan and we are on track!

Wow…you are pretty impressed. What seemed to be heading into “conflict” land goes in a much different direction than you, perhaps, thought it would. No more loud voices, finger pointing, shrinking, or distractions. The three chat for a few more minutes, finish their coffees, and head off.

🤔 Reflection Point 6: What skills did the team members use to diffuse the “potential conflict?”

🤔 Reflection Point 7: What suggestions would you have for this group going forward? Or/and how could things have been handled differently?

🤔 Reflection Point 8: What do you think would be the team’s next steps to resolution if Riley, once again, was unable to complete the work?

🤔 Bonus Reflection: How did you interpret “notebook”? 😏

Case Study Analysis

The team charter (including the on-going activity log) provided a useful visual record of the activity and progress of the project showing who did what when for the team members. This helped keep all group members “on the same page” and individual group members accountable for what they committed to complete. In this case, tensions built up, because expectations weren’t being met. How it unfolded:

1. Ollie reached out to Quinn
2. They initiated a group meeting over coffee
3. Everyone turned up
4. Using data, Quinn was able to show what the expectations were
5. Riley revealed the stress that was having an impact on meeting commitments and offered a solution, recommitting to completing their portion of the work

Team charters are “upstream” approaches that help mitigate the potential for conflict. I (Malak) was introduced to team charters in the School of Public Health. The charter consisted of the following key points that helped groups come together and plan out their projects.

Project Charter Elements

• Identify the Project
• Identify how the group will communicate – which platform
• List out all the activities within the project
• Split the work among the group members
• Create an ongoing activity log to track the progress of the project
• Set deadlines within the group for each deliverable
• Set dates for group meetings to review deliverables
• Identify project risk assumptions – if someone has an emergency, or gets sick, how will the group manage this. Come up with a plan on how your group will overcome this.
• Confirmation of charter acceptance – everyone in the group will review the charter and agree on their set responsibilities

Activity Log Sample

This is an example of a google sheet used to track project progress: Activity Log Sample 

💡Tip: Midway through the project, set up a team meeting to have an honest, open conversation on the progress as well as any problem that needs to be addressed. Rather than letting things fester and not finding an opportunity to bring things up, this can provide every group member a time and place to address a situation or problem.

For other templates and charters please see 49 Useful Team Charter Templates (& Examples).

Conclusion

🤔 Final Bonus Reflection: This case study was intentionally designed to not reveal gender, race, “discipline,” future profession, fashion sense, or technology preferences. 😏 What assumptions did you make? How did you “color in” the descriptions for yourself?

Groups and teams can’t avoid conflict resulting from different perspectives and understandings regarding processes and expectations. How conflict is mitigated and managed, however, can be addressed with skill, compassion, personal awareness, and respect. Understanding, and being more aware of, the assumptions we make can help us uncover our unconscious biases that may play a role in both creating conflict situations and managing them. Rather than running away or hiding resentment behind “nice,” we can address issues, misunderstandings, unshared expectations, and unconscious biases before they accumulate into “conflict”.^[9] Perhaps, through curiosity, introspection and reflection, and a genuine desire to learn we can develop our conflict management skills by working through one sticky situation at a time–together.

Acknowledgments

A big thank you and shout out to Eman Jomha for reviewing the case study and providing thoughtful ideas to take it to the next level and to Harold Bull for listening to a read through. Malak would like to acknowledge the College of Kinesiology, the School of Public Health, team members, IPE resources, and the Public Health Leadership Course for all the invaluable experiences and opportunities to practice and hone her team skills and abilities.

Post 1 in this series: Navigating “Together” Work

^[1] Individuals could actively listen to the other’s point of view without interrupting or rejecting it. This can help both parties understand each other’s perspectives and find common ground.

^[2] Keep an even and kindly-modulated tone of voice and do not escalate the volume. Use a calm, understanding tone to help keep the conversation on track. Be open with your body language. Aggressive and closed-off postures are more likely to make others feel threatened and unheard. This can even lead to making the other party feel defensive, making it harder to resolve the conflict. Nod to show active engagement and interest.

^[3] Malak sends an email ahead of time or makes arrangements to meet at a time if she meets someone in the hallway.

^[4] I (Malak) have not–so far 😏– had a conflict with more than one person on the team at a time.

^[5] Facial expressions we do not recommend: 🥱🤢🙄🤨😒😱

^[6] Set hours for work, how you are going to communicate with one another, business hours, etc.

^[7] It’s really better to have things out on the table rather than pretending everything is okay–when it’s not. Whether it is about how to approach a project or just schedule the meeting time, speaking truthfully helps!

^[8] We (Malak and Sheryl) discussed this…Malak - It becomes apparent that there is tension among the group, which makes it a tad uncomfortable. Sometimes you don’t know where to look or what to do and end up looking disengaged in what’s going on. Sheryl feels growing tension and anxiousness in her stomach and wants to “fix it.”

^[9] Not unlike dust bunnies accumulating under beds or tribbles in closets…