Team Skills Series. Post 6 Conflict Management Part 1: Navigating "Together" Work

Introduction

Having different perspectives has the potential to bring fresh ideas, new approaches, diversity, variety, and innovation to team endeavors. Sometimes however, this can feel like “conflict”. In the puzzle example, if we were to work as a team to do the puzzle, do we start with edges first? Do we group the pieces by the colors? Do we look at the picture on the box? Do we “jigsaw” the work and each do our own corners first? These are some of the questions that teams consider before doing the puzzle together. Another example is co-writing this blog post. Although we started with a shared understanding, we didn’t necessarily have a clear picture on the box.

Overview of conflict management styles

When we did a quick search on conflict management styles, what we found was fairly consistent. We offer this general framework for understanding the various approaches individuals might take when faced with situations where not all team members are seeing the same picture on the box. It is important to understand the strengths of a team and arrange work to capitalize on individual strengths to maximize collective strength in order to work effectively together.

When not addressed, differences in perspectives and opinions can pile up in team work. Unresolved conflicts eventually drain energy from team projects, so what might start out as something you can shrug off, see as a quirk, avoid, gloss over, or write off often builds up if not thoughtfully dealt with.^[1]

Before you read on, we invite you to take this quick quiz: Take the quiz

Accommodating: When the relationship is more important than the task at hand, perhaps this works. But in this post, we are primarily looking at work situations where there is something that needs to get done. We give this approach ⭐️⭐️ out of a possible 5⭐️s.

Avoiding: The project will eventually end, the individual who may be (perceived as) the irritant may leave, disappear into the ether, retire, move to another country, change career paths, take up sky-diving, etc. But it can certainly be a painful experience if you “have” to work together. We give this approach ⭐️ out of a possible 5⭐️s if the project is low stakes, short term, and the importance of the relationship is low.

Compromising^[2]: Finding a solution that, while not perfect, serves the greater harmony of the group. This style is all about finding the middle ground. Your ability and willingness to cooperate to reach mutually agreeable solutions is a valuable tool in conflict resolution. We give this approach ⭐️⭐⭐️ out of a possible 5⭐️s.^[3]

Competing: This is a double-edged sword. When used appropriately, this approach can lead to decisive, quick solutions. However, this sword should be wielded sparingly as it can create a hostile environment, strain relationships, and limit creativity. We give this approach ⭐️ out of a possible 5⭐️s, and zero ⭐️s if this team is expected to work effectively long-term.

Collaboration: This is the golden ticket to long-term harmony and productivity. This approach capitalizes on and fosters open dialogue, active negotiating, and creating “win-win” solutions. Collaboration is more than just an approach; it is a mindset. Collaboration is not about putting a band-aid on the issue, but rather addressing the root causes of the conflicts and assuming a shared willingness to accomplish work together while valuing the working relationships. We give collaboration ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️!

Malak’s Suggestions for Practice

Conflict is a natural part of working in a team. What truly matters, in the long run, however, is how you handle it. I’ve been on many “teams”--through my academic career, work-place teams, social and professional teams; I have learned a great deal about working on teams. Here are some valuable approaches that have worked for me.^[4]

When I experience conflict, both in my professional and personal life, this is what I do:

• Address the issue as soon as possible
• Request a meeting to talk in a private setting
• Give “the benefit of the doubt.” Do not jump to conclusions or make any assumptions
• Be an active listener. Seek first to understand. Individuals could actively listen to the other’s point of view without interrupting or rejecting it. This can help both parties understand each other’s perspectives and find common ground
• Be non-confrontational and neutral. I make sure the person can see I’m “approaching”, whether in-person or through a friendly email before discussing the issue at hand, etc.
• Be non-judgemental–and curious. I’m interested in hearing the perspectives of others on the team
• Work with the team member with whom there is a conflict to come up with a solution or agreement together^[5]

Non-verbal communication also can have a significant impact on how we “approach” conflict situations. Non-verbal communication can help to establish a positive interaction if both parties are engaged, paying attention, and display a willingness to listen which is conveyed by open body language, eye contact, nodding, head tilts, etc. Non-verbal communication can be even more powerful than the actual words we use when communicating! Here are some things I keep in mind when working through conflict with a team member:

• Keep an even and kindly-modulated tone of voice and do not escalate the volume. I have found that a calm, understanding tone helps keep us on track through the conversation.
• I’m open with my body language. In my experience, aggressive and closed-off postures are more likely to make others feel threatened and unheard. This can even lead to making the other party feel defensive, making it harder to resolve the conflict.
• Use welcoming, understanding facial expressions^[6]
• Nod to show engagement and interest

Tip: We invite you to record your next virtual meeting or presentation and play it back to observe your body language, listen to your tone of voice, observe the way you interact with colleagues, and try to match up your “inside real time” dialogue with what was recorded. The Effect of the Butterfly post provides additional ideas and insights.

Summary

Although you can’t control who you are going to work with, you always have control over how you are going to work with them. In this post, we have outlined five common theoretical approaches to navigating conflict, provided a link to a quick conflict management styles inventory, and offered a variety of strategies we have found useful when encountering diverse perspectives and ideas in our work with teams. Overall, we have come to believe that effective and productive teams don’t happen by “luck.” Effective and productive teams develop by becoming skilled and through a shared willingness and desire to do good work together. From agreeing to the “picture on the puzzle box” through to the processes for assembling the puzzle, it is all about navigating different perspectives and managing conflict in respectful, open, and kind-hearted ways.

^[1] When people are being “nice” and not saying what they really think, the truth eventually tumbles out! Often this happens at pressure points or near deadlines. Sheryl is reminded of “Tribbles” from Star Trek. The tribbles, even though soft, fluffy, and cute clogged up the works when they were left alone too long. Resentments, like tribbles, can multiply quickly when left on their own and fed with memories and reruns.

^[2] Caveat: The Abilene Paradox | Mismanaged Agreement

^[3] We couldn’t make a half star. 😉 There can be problems when compromising–like not reaching the best possible solution, feeling like you have given up something, or that something has been left unresolved. But compromise is often used when there is a time crunch, low value placed on the project, or when working with people you might not see again.

^[4] For me (Malak), “worked” has meant that we have shared goals and we accomplish these goals together– with a minimum of drama. By contributing to the team, we all left with something more than we entered the team with.

^[5] I (Malak) have not–so far 😏– had a conflict with more than one person on the team at a time.

^[6] Facial expressions we do not recommend: 🥱🤢🙄🤨😒😱