Team Skills Series. Post 2: The Gift of Being Present

Being present is a gift we bring to our team members. However, there are multiple ways of being present when we are working together—and that can be confusing! How we interpret being present and how we demonstrate being present can look and sound different from person to person. This makes it so important to have conversations about what being present means on our teams. Ultimately, how we show we are present is a conversation to have with our team members. In this post, the authors explore what being present means to their team.

By Roslyn Compton, Sithokozile Maposa, Sheryl Mills, and Schroder Sattar

Introduction

Being 'present’ is an attitude and a choice–on the inside–but how do we let others know that we are present? From person to person, situation to situation, team to team, and context to context being ‘present’ varies. There is no one-size-fits-all so being present is always a negotiation. What looks ‘present’ to one team might look disrespectful to another. We might know that someone on our team listens better when snacking or coloring (or knitting or doing some other kinesthetic activity to tune in), but another team might think this very same behaviour is unprofessional and not being present! 

What do we mean by being present? 

According to the dictionary, 'present’ means being at hand [1], ready to respond, prepared, and engaged. Being present does not necessarily mean being physically in the same room.[2] Conversely, someone can be physically there but not be present at all! Being present is about our attitude and intention to engage. It is about where our attention is at the moment. There is not a right or a wrong way to be present. It is simply a conversation to have with our teams and colleagues so we are not left to misinterpret observable cues and signals.

On our team, we interpret the following observable cues as being engaged and present: 

  • We lean forward into the conversation, attentive with both body and mind 
  • We connect ideas to grow thoughts and concepts
  • We seem to be responsive to one another’s non-verbal cues and body language
  • We ask questions and reflect on what others have said
  • We respond in a timely way (synchronously and asynchronously) 
  • We remove distractions (close other windows for example)
  • In virtual meetings, we mute our mics when not speaking to prevent background interference
  • Our phones (and other devices) are on silent (and we let others know if we are expecting a call ahead of time)
  • Our email notifications are turned off
  • Our team members have ways of showing that there is active—and compassionate—listening going on

🤔 We are curious! What are some observable cues that you interpret as being present? Feel free to reach out and let us know.

Starting ‘being present’ conversations

By being curious (rather than judging) we open up conversations. We can inquire with curiosity (rather than assuming or misinterpreting.) Genuine interest, concern, and curiosity can lead to negotiating and navigating differences, mitigating assumptions, and correcting misinterpretations. And when team members are accepting and interested, we can have open conversations that help us understand one another better. 

Sometimes, though, we need to make the time to build trust and for people to become comfortable enough to check in and share that there are reasons for being distracted or not fully present. Intentionally pausing to connect authentically helps our team to be present.[3]

Here are our top three tips for starting ‘being present’ conversations:

  1. When you aren’t sure, ask! (This is the biggest tip!) Rather than overlooking behaviors or comments that seem to be indicative of distracted behavior (rather than present behavior), it is important to ask! (“You seem a bit distracted today. Is everything okay?") Often in a hurry to get things done, we may tend to overlook such behaviors (perhaps grumbling privately) and make assumptions based on past experiences.[4] In addition to asking, because we put people before tasks, we regularly take time to reflect on how we are relating and working together.
  2. We most often do a check-in before we start our agreed upon work for the day. During this reconnecting time, we can update one another. 
  3. This is also the time when we can let others know we might be distracted because we are expecting a call, a delivery, a time sensitive message, etc.

In Summary

In order to be able to bring the gift of being present to our team members, it is important to take time to: (1) get to know one another, sharing what it means to be present and (2) get yourself centred and prepared enough to bring the gift of being present to the team.  

In the next post we explore how to get centred, be prepared, and to feel comfortable enough to share the gift of being present. 

sheryl.mills@usask.ca

 

[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/present

[2] Moving online, being present is now very different, and that intention to engage matters even more so than ever. In a physical space, people can feel interference of energy, hence, for some, it is easier to be here (online) and control that physical space and be present (even when we can’t use video!)

[3] One of our shared values and guiding principles for working together is that people trump tasks. 

[4] One of our team members learned about ‘meeting knitters’ and now takes knitting (coloring, snacking, etc) as a learning style preference rather than how she first interpreted it (which was far less understanding or charitable!)